Pfizer in Major Marketing Push to End Pandemic

Dateline: Apr 1, 2021

Fauci: “This is big.”

US-based drug maker Pfizer announced today that it has successfully test-marketed its covid vaccine in a unique package with the company’s erectile dysfunction pill Viagra. Emergency FDA approval is anticipated shortly.

“We know that there’s been vaccine resistance mostly among older men, especially in some parts of the country,” said CEO Albert Bourla. “We were stuck for how to address that — running some ideas up the flagpole, and this one popped-out. The Venn diagrams of potential customers and vaccine resistors overlap almost perfectly.”

The company chose Utah, Nebraska and Arkansas to test its concept. “We were particularly gratified by the reception in the Beehive State,” continued Bourla. “The governor’s office called it a win/win for public health, under the state’s motto ‘Go forth and multiply.’”

Nebraskans were similarly upbeat: “It’s been a long year here, and there just ain’t that much to do,” said one Cornhusker. The Arkansas Tourist Bureau reports an emerging surge in family reunions.

The CDC’s response has been upbeat. “We hope that other vaccine makers will get creative and market their own package deals. We favor stiff competition, but Pfizer’s clearly got out ahead. I mean, what’s J&J got to offer — Tylenol?”

Pfizer will conduct its campaign under the title “Operation Hard Immunity.”

America’s epidemiologist, Dr. Anthony Fauci, expressed optimism. “This is big — huge! It being April First, we’d be Foolish to think the pandemic won’t peter-out in the second quarter.”

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Story first broken in Pleasanton CA Weekly (http://www.pleasantonweekly.com). Reprinted with permission.

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Generalist observer in the Age of Specialization, intending some Boomer humor and insights.

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Tom Cushing

Generalist observer in the Age of Specialization, intending some Boomer humor and insights.