My thoughts are that you are not asking for enough help from you mate. Marital sex should never be transactional, but as the saying goes - there's nothing a man can do that's sexier than housework. That blowie may be perceived as less obligatory if she's a bit better rested and pleased with the partnering of chore-age around the house. Now, ladies, it's also true that you may need to loosen-up on control-freaking (or is it freaking control?) tendencies, in case he does things differently, and, you're just sure, not Quite up to your standards. It's a good trade-off.

Hypocrisy among Christian identifiers dates from the beginning of dates. The many 'woes of the Pharisees' are set forth in several of the Gospels. There's a wikipedia article, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woes_of_the_Pharisees , lest anybody think I came-up with this stuff on my own. It IS the kind of thing that led me to identify as a UU. Because these pious sins are rampant and timeless, calling them out is always current, and appropriate.

Came here thinking that someone might have already shared my peeve about 'orgasm' used as a verb; will leave wondering if I am alone in this? But only after appreciating the wisdom of the writer. An orgasm (n.) is an event, and sensual, sharing sex is a process that includes some events.